How Ayahuasca changed my life

I’ve had multiple out of body experiences and thousands of visions with Ayahuasca, but by far the most incredible and profound experiences I’ve had were out of mind experiences.

I’ve heard spiritual teachers say “you are not your body”, and “you are not your mind”, but it’s one thing to hear or read it, and another thing to experience it.

The experience of being separate from your mind isn’t something that can be described or imagined. It can only be experienced. And it is incredible.

The mind cannot conceive of no mind. It cannot conceive of what is beyond it or before it or what it depends upon.

The truth is that you are not the mind, nor are you in charge of the thinking process. Thoughts just appear to you from out of nowhere, from out of the void.

You don’t think your thoughts, you just perceive them.

I understand why most people believe they are their minds however. The reason it’s so difficult to see the mind as separate is because it’s with you 24/7, it presents everything to you from a 1st person perspective, it calls itself “I” or “me”, it seems to speak in your voice (it doesn’t really), and it talks to you all day long even when you’re sleeping. It’s also invisible and intangible (it’s not like you can identify it or point it out). For more on this point read: this article

I don’t know anything

Ayahuasca showed me very clearly that I don’t know what ANYTHING “IS”.

Yes I might know the name of it, and I might be able to point it out and describe certain attributes of it, but I don’t know what anything “IS”.

I don’t know what the universe “is”.

I don’t know what the mind “is”.

I don’t know what energy “is”.

I don’t know what ANYTHING “IS”.

“Is,” “is,” “is”—the idiocy of the word haunts me. If it were abolished, human thought might begin to make sense. I don’t know what anything “is”, I only know how it seems to me at this moment.” – Robert Anton Wilson

This is a humbling realization, but it’s a fact.

The only thing I know is that I DON’T know. And of that I’m absolutely 100% certain.

In fact, not only do I not know what anything “is”, I don’t even know what it means to “know” something. That’s not humility either. That’s the truth.

Ayahuasca recommendations

An Ayahuasca ceremony about to start with a family of Shamans I love to drink with in Pucallpa, Peru

Assuming that you’ve gone to South America to drink Ayahuasca (I don’t recommend drinking anywhere else), here is what I recommend: 

• DON’T GO TO AN AYAHUASCA RETREAT. Ayahuasca retreats are expensive (often between $1500 – $2500 USD for a 5-day retreat), and for that money you only get to drink 3 times – every second night. You’re also only one of 10-20 other people in the ceremony, and the others can (and often do) affect your experience by making a lot of noise which can be annoying if you’re trying to be introspective. A lot of time at retreats is wasted too. It’s boring. There is nothing to do. You might as well not even be there on the days you’re not drinking
• DO PRIVATE CEREMONIES INSTEAD. Private ceremonies are not only 80% cheaper (prices vary depending on the shaman, but you can easily get private ceremonies in Peru for $100 USD per night), but they’re 1000X better, because it’s just you and the shaman, and you’re getting personalized, individual attention. I’ve had ceremonies where it was 3-7 shamans (all family or friends), and just me and my best mate. Incredible. Private ceremonies annihilate Ayahuasca retreats. You’re drinking with the exact same shamans that work in the retreat centers too, it’s just that you’re drinking in their home, instead of having to pay 80% more to go to a boring overpriced retreat center with 10-20 strangers
• DON’T DRINK AYAHUASCA WITHOUT A SHAMAN. Ayahuasca is a portal into the spirit realm. And just as people often see both good and evil spirits during astral projection, you will see both good and evil spirits in the spirit realm with Ayahuasca too. For that reason: You need a shaman to guide and protect you during the ceremony. Ayahuasca is not the kind of thing that you want to buy off the internet and drink at home by yourself or with a group of friends. You NEED a shaman – and not just any shaman either
• PICK YOUR SHAMAN CAREFULLY. I’m extremely careful about who I will and won’t drink Ayahuasca with, and I personally wouldn’t drink with 95% of shamans. Most shamans are either Brujos (Witch doctors who practice black magic) or just plain incompetent and useless. But of course they’re not going to tell you that so you need to DO YOUR HOMEWORK and LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. You should choose a Shaman like you choose a brain surgeon: You ONLY want the best. PS: In my experience, Shipibo Shamans are the BEST. (Shipibo are a native people of Peru who mostly live in Pucallpa). I’ve never met a Brujo Shipibo Shaman, and the top 4 Shamans I’ve ever drunk with (both male and female) were all Shipibo
• HOW TO FIND A SHAMAN. I recommend asking people you know that have drunk Ayahuasca which Shamans they recommend, and I also recommend asking each Shaman you drink with, who they recommend. That’s how I found my shaman. If you don’t have any recommendations for a shaman, bite the bullet and go to a retreat, and if there is a shaman there you like, ask them in private if you can drink with them privately at their home. Most shamans will agree to this because it’s less work for them, and it gives them some extra money too. If you’re a female and this makes you uncomfortable, bring a friend with you as a minder. Most shamans work at retreats 1 day on, 1 day off, so you can drink with the shaman on their off days
• DON’T TRUST ONLINE REVIEWS. Most Ayahuasca retreats are overpriced and average at best, yet somehow they seem to all have 5 star ratings on websites such as Ayaadvisors and TripAdvisor. The problem is that generally the only people who leave reviews are people that had a great experience (only about 5-10% of participants), whereas the vast majority who had an OK, bad, or non-existent experience, just want to forget it and don’t take the time to leave a review. That’s why that despite the fact that dozens of people go through an Ayahuasca retreat each week, reviews are often weeks – if not months apart
• DON’T DRINK AYAHUASCA ANYWHERE YOU DON’T FEEL COMFORTABLE OR SAFE. Does the place have a good vibe to it? If not, don’t drink there. Your environment plays a big part in the kind of thoughts you think, emotions you feel, and the kind of journey you experience
• OBEY THE AYAHUASCA DIET. Vegetarian food only. No chocolate. No sugar. No salt. No meat. No alcohol. No coffee. No drugs. No masturbation. No sex. I remember thinking that I could cheat on the Ayahuasca diet one day, and I decided to eat a little cheesecake for desert after lunch. I thought to myself “I’m not drinking for 8 hours, I should be fine”. Believe me it wasn’t. I started to having a TERRIFYING trip which lasted for over an hour. I thought I was going insane and losing my mind. Never again. BAD FOOD = BAD TRIP.
• MEDITATE AND KEEP YOUR MIND PEACEFUL AND RELAXED DURING THE DAY. Do everything you can to relax your mind and to think happy thoughts during the day of the ceremony. Listen to love songs. Watch comedies. Meditate. Keep your mind away from all forms of negativity and news
• WEAR WHITE. Wear white, or at least lighter colors during the ceremony. DON’T WEAR BLACK. Don’t wear red or any other dark colors either. Wearing black during a ceremony is likely to give you a bad trip and to attract negative entities and energy. (I’m speaking from experience)
• DON’T DRINK AYAHUASCA WITH TOE. Sometimes shamans will add Toé into the Ayahuasca because it intensifies the experience and makes the visions stronger. Ayahuasca + Toé definitely spices things up (Ayahuasca + Toé is like Ayahuasca on steroids), but in my experience you’re more likely to have a bad trip than a good one, a negative experience than a positive one. Toé is even more powerful than Ayahuasca and can easily throw you into a horrifying nightmare that even the most experienced Shamans can’t guide you out of
• DON’T DRINK A 2ND CUP OF AYAHUASCA AFTER YOU’VE PURGED. Sometimes your Ayahuasca experience isn’t very strong, it may even be non-existent, and you maybe tempted to have a 2nd cup to intensify the experience. My advice: Don’t do it. Even if the shaman encourages you to. In my experience a 2nd cup of Ayahuasca is almost always a bad idea. It can turn a good trip into a bad trip, a non-existent experience into a nightmare. I know it sucks, but if it isn’t happening, it isn’t happening, you just have to let it go and accept it and wait again until another night. Don’t try and force the issue or you’ll be sorry. I’ve never had a good experience after a 2nd cup of Ayahuasca (only bad trips) and this seems to be very common with other people too
• WRITE DOWN YOUR MOST IMPORTANT LESSONS BEFORE GOING TO SLEEP. One thing I’ve learnt with Ayahuasca is that it doesn’t matter how amazing or incredible your journey is, even if you go to heaven and talk to God himself, in the morning you won’t be able to remember over 80% of it, and within 2 days you’ll have forgotten 95% of it. I can’t remember how many times I’ve thought to myself “I’m never going to forget this, I’ve got this forever now”, only to have it almost entirely wiped from my memory just a few days later. So take my advice: Grab a pad and a pen, and force yourself to write down your experiences in detail for at least an hour after the ceremony has finished (or you can record your lessons on video using your phone or your laptop if you prefer). I can almost guarantee that this will be the last thing you’ll want to do, your eyes will be too heavy, you’ll be too blissed out (or traumatized), and you’ll just want to lay down in your bed and chill, but do it anyway. Don’t let those lessons escape you. You can have a sleep in in the morning to catch up on those extra hours if you need to
• TURN YOUR LESSONS INTO HABITS ASAP. Listen to me: It doesn’t matter how inspired or motivated you feel after a ceremony, or how much you feel like a new person, you must turn your lessons into habits and implement what you’ve learnt ASAP, because the enthusiasm won’t last forever. As a shaman said to me: “Think about your habits, you’ve done the same thing hundreds, if not thousands of times, and each time you’ve done the same thing, you’ve burnt a neural pathway into your brain. Ayahuasca has now burnt a new neural pathway into your brain, but it’s not as deep or as strong as your previous ones, so if you don’t reinforce it immediately, if you don’t use it, you’re going to lose it”. That’s right. Ayahuasca gives you a window of opportunity within which to change a habit, but you must strike while the iron is hot and the inspiration is still there. If you don’t take action while you’re still feeling inspired and turn your lessons into habits within 2-5 days – one week tops, you’ll almost certainly go back to your old ways
• DON’T JUST DRINK AYAHUASCA ONCE OR TWICE, HAVE AT LEAST 4-5 CEREMONIES. One of the biggest mistakes I see people making with Ayahuasca is giving up after just 1-2 ceremonies thinking that they’ve learnt everything they’re going to learn from Ayahuasca, or because the ceremonies have been too intense or scary. This is a mistake. Think of the first two ceremonies as cleansing ceremonies in which Ayahuascsa is doing the hard work of cleaning away a lifetime worth of physical, mental, emotional, and energetic crap. It might be hard. It might be difficult. It might be scary. But believe me – it will get better. I recommend drinking Ayahuasca at least 4-5 times within a 1-2 week period if possible, even if your first two sessions are terrifying, because by the time you get to your 3rd Ayahuasca ceremony, from the very first moments you’ll start to experience something incredible that can’t be put into words. So persevere. Be brave. Keep going. Believe me it’s worth it. PS: When I hear people describing what Ayahuasca is like after only 1 or 2 ceremonies it’s ridiculous. It’s like someone telling you what the internet is like after visiting only one or two websites. You need to have at least 4-5 ceremonies, ideally with different shamans, in different environments

What to do if your trip starts going bad

If you’re seeing demons and your trip is going from bad to worse fast:

• SIT UP (assuming you’re lying down) and try not to panic
• OPEN YOUR EYES or at least blink for 10-20 seconds (which will be incredibly difficult because you’ll feel a tremendous pressure to close your eyes and drift off)
• BREATH – and drink some water if you can
• ASK THE SHAMAN FOR HELP. That’s what they’re there for. There is no need to suffer in silence when the shaman is there to guide and help you

This isn’t as simple as it sounds either. There is something about bad trips on Ayahuasca that make you feel completely alone and separate from everyone else, to the point where you feel that it would be unsafe or even dangerous to ask for help and assistance. You might even become afraid and distrusting of the shaman – especially if their face starts morphing into a demon or a monster 😉 but you have to fight this urge and ask for help anyway.

TUNE INTO THE ICAROS

I asked my shaman friend Lucio if I could record him singing Icaros whilst we were doing a private ceremony one night so you could hear what they sounded like

If the shaman can sit with you and sing icaros to you this will generally clear away any negative visions fast. I find that the Icaros have a very powerful and calming effect. Note: Sometimes the icaros may intensify the visions making them even scarier at first, but they soon have the desired effect and any scary stuff quickly dissipates.

Whether or not the shaman can immediately assist you, focus 100% of your attention on the icaros, because these magical songs are very effective at guiding you through the ceremony. Note: Not all icaros are equally powerful. The more experienced the shaman is, and the more closely they adhere to the Ayahuasca diet, the more powerful their Icaros will be.

PS: If the shaman refuses to help you during a ceremony, won’t move from where they’re sitting, won’t lift a finger etc. don’t ever drink with them again. You’ve got the wrong shaman.