This article is part four of a five part series from the upcoming Life Lessons Podcast.
In this article we talk about women’s attraction to the Dark Triad personality traits:
The Dark Triad
Michael Frank: Why are woman attracted to assholes and bad boys? Why are they attracted to the Dark Triad personality traits of Narcissism, Machiavellianism, and Psychopathy?
Rollo Tomassi: I would say that the reason the Dark Triad personality traits are attractive to women is because they were survival traits in the past. Those were the guys who got things done. Those were the guys who took care of their own. Those were the guys who were volatile enough to be fun in bed. Those were the guys who had the capacity to kill off a rival, to defend the woman with his life.
And in our evolutionary past, the guy who could kill someone, that had the capacity for violence, was a highly valuable guy.
Even today every time a new violent criminal like Nikolas Cruz the guy who shot up the school in Florida, or Chris Watts the guy who killed his pregnant wife and their two daughters, and these are just some examples of guys who are violent and murderous criminals, as soon as they get convicted almost immediately they get female fan clubs. Women want to have sex with them. Women want to be married to them and they want to bear their children.
Within a week of the Boston bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev being in prison, there was a teenage girl fan club for him. Why is that? That guy is dangerous. He has the capacity to kill people. Why do women find that attractive? Why is it uniquely women that do that? You don’t see fanboy clubs for a convicted female killer.
In the prison system here in the United States, they often have to separate the female prison guards from the male inmates because it’s too common an occurrence for these women to fall in love with those violent thugs
When we look at this through our rational male lens, it seems insane.
Why would a woman want to get with a guy who is crazy? Who is a murderous thug? Who is a psychopath? Who is machiavellian? Who is a bad guy? We’re trying to rationalize this, but women aren’t rationalizing it, they’re feeling emotional about it, because it stirs some kind of emotional trigger in them, and it makes them feel like they want to get with him.
We’re led to believe that a women will only have sex with a guy that they feel comfortable with, because a woman wants to have that rapport, that comfort, and those feelings of belonging and trust, right?
Bullshit. The best sex doesn’t happen from a state of comfort. The best sex happens from a state of anxiety. That’s why we call it sexual tension. That’s one of the reasons why I say:
“Any woman who makes you wait for sex, or by her actions implies she is making you wait for sex; the sex is NEVER worth the wait”
Because it’s mitigated. Guys believe: “I gotta take her out and treat her nice, and I’ve got to make the bedroom temperature just right, and I’ve got to sprinkle rose petals on the bed, and I got to do all of this stuff to prepare, just so that she’ll trust me”. Because that’s what women tell guys. That’s what they tell Betas anyways. They tell Beta’s: “I don’t want to have sex with you until I feel comfortable with you, so let’s just spoon here for a little while”. That’s what they tell those guys.
Whereas if they meet a guy who is an Alpha male, who has high sexual market value, they will have sex with that guy on the same night. And they will give themselves over to that guy enthusiastically because that guy triggers something in her that is an emotional response.
We’re dumbfounded by it, because first of all, we believe a woman when she says she needs to feel comfortable, and then second of all, we try to rationalize it away:
“She must be damaged”
“There must be something wrong with her”
Well, if that’s the case, then why do so many women express the desire to be manhandled by say Chris Brown? When he beat up Rihanna, there was this big Twitter storm of women who said Chris Brown can beat me anytime he wants
And guys can’t believe this. Well it’s because we’re using our rational minds. We’re saying why would a woman rationally want to do that? Well she’s not being rational. She’s having an emotional response to Chris Brown. She wants to get with that guy. She thinks that he would be a great breeding proposition.
And so it doesn’t matter if he’s a violent thug. In fact, it’s even better that he’s a violent thug, because it creates anxiety and it creates urgency, and there’s a competition for that guy. He’s the guy that women will compete for. And if one doesn’t work out, he knows that another one will, and women know that too.
Are women attracted to evil and negativity?
Michael Frank: Do you think that in addition to what you’ve just said, that women are just attracted to evil and negativity? I think that human beings are in general…
Rollo Tomassi: Well see now we’re going to make a moral call on this. I think that one of the reasons why I try to stay away from morality is because I don’t think that helps us to understand the mechanics of it.
I was recently on The Red Man Group podcast and the topic was Do women have agency? Do they actually make decisions for themselves or are they just sort of at the mercy of their evolutionary impulses? It would seem that way.
A lot of guys want to apply social constructions to women’s decision making and say, “that’s evil” “that’s horrible” etc. Well, I mean, there are some pretty antisocial outcomes for hypergamy. That’s why the church had buffers. That’s why it was a social stigma for a woman to be a single mother. We used to have those buffers because we used to understand the worst of what a woman could do.
“Are women just evil?” I think that sort of ends the conversation right there. Are some women evil? Sure. I’ll put it this way: Are some women more predisposed to accepting their base nature than they are about rising above it?
When the sexual revolution took place and we gave women hormonal birth control, we essentially handed them the keys to the human birthing process and said:
“Here you go, you can have all the sex you want, and you don’t have to face any consequences for it. We’re going to give you birth control, we’re going to give you legal abortion, we’re going to give you no fault divorce, and we’re going to basically remove all of the consequences for the worst aspects of hypergamy. But ladies, we want you to police yourselves. We want you to be in control of that”.
We’ve basically given women the keys to unfettered hypergamy and we’re expecting them to act good, to police themselves, and to buffer the worst of their hypergamous natures, and they’re not doing that, and they haven’t been doing that, in fact, they’ve been asking for more.
And by the way, whenever somebody asks you: “What do women want?” The answer is always: MORE. That’s what they want. And now we live in the age of social media and we’re basically feeding the beast. We’re feeding it that much more.
Is it because she’s evil? Well, it could be that she simply just doesn’t know how to control her hypergamous nature. And nobody teaches her that. No one. We want to give women the world, right? I mean, that’s why we feminize guys, and we want to make womankind our mental point of origin, and we want to be supportive, and we want to do all this other stuff, and we’re giving women all of this and we’re saying, it’s okay, we’ll take 100% responsibility and you take 0% responsibility, and we’ll take 0% authority, and you take 100% authority.
That’s what we’ve done essentially. So if that’s the framework, are they going to be evil? There’s a good chance that women are going to use that in duplicitous ways that serve their best interest, and then they’re going to rationalize it later, because remember, emotion first, rationalization later, that’s why it’s called the rationalization hamster
Because women will do whatever they want to, they’ll live out whatever their hypergamy is telling them to do, and then they’ll rationalize it. Why did you do that? “Oh, it’s because I was a victim”, “It’s because I had daddy issues” etc. because we’re easy when it comes to female victim hood. We want to believe women. That’s what it is: “Believe women”. And so is it easier for a woman to follow her base nature when there are little or no consequences? Yeah, it can be.