My first impression of Tony Robbins was NOT a good one.
I remember seeing his TV infomercials for Personal Power back in the late 90’s when I was 18 and mocking him. I didn’t like him. I thought he was a dork. I’d never had an interest in personal development and to be honest I didn’t even know what it was.
But all that changed one quiet Saturday afternoon back in 2001 when I walked into a large book store to kill some time. I’ve always loved spending time in bookstores ever since I was a kid. I remember approaching a stand of ‘Top 10 Bestsellers’ and number 7 caught my eye because it was a book written by that same dork Tony Robbins I loved to mock. Curiosity got the better of me and I decided to pick it up.
The first thing I noticed was that the book was written in 1991, yet here we were 10 years later in 2001 and it was still a bestseller. I started browsing through it curious as to what it was all about and surprisingly it actually looked quite good. In fact, it was damn interesting. I decided to buy it since it was only $20 and I spent the entire weekend reading it. “Awaken the Giant Within” blew my mind that weekend. I couldn’t put it down. It quickly became my new favorite book and surprisingly Tony Robbins became my new favorite person.
Although I’ve read/watched/listened to almost everything Tony has ever created/recorded/produced, nothing has had as much of an impact upon me as his book “Awaken the Giant Within”. Not his first book “Unlimited Power”. Nor his “Personal Power” or “Get the Edge” audiotapes or his videos. Not even seeing him speaking live in person at his seminars.
Why? Because I got it the first time. I didn’t need to be told over and over again. I didn’t need any more inspiration or motivation. I wasn’t just reading, watching or listening, I actually took action and did it. As Tony would say I was “one of the few who do vs the many who talk”.
I haven’t done his premier program “Date with Destiny” as seen on the Netflix documentary “I am not your guru” but I have done his “Unleash the Power Within” 4 day program where you walk on 800 degree burning hot coals at the end of day 1. (I did and they were damn hot but I didn’t get burnt). It was entertaining, informative, fun, empowering and life changing! 12 hours a day of nothing but ideas and insights, inspiration and motivation, high fives and hugs.
In fact, I loved “Unleash the Power Within” so much that I bought my Mum and Sister tickets for Christmas, and was furious when my Mother refused to go citing BS excuses as to why she wouldn’t be able to attend in 11 and 1/2 months time. (Apparently 345 days isn’t enough notice). My sister went however and absolutely loved it.
It’s hard to think of many people who have had a more dramatic or profound impact upon my life than Tony Robbins. As a young 21 year old who had no direction and no clue what I wanted to do with my life, Tony came around at just the right time. I had so many questions and he seemed to have all the answers. Not just answers either, Tony knew the secrets of life! He gave me strategies and techniques to achieve my goals and he shifted my focus from the crap that was going on around me to a bigger, better, brighter future.
Most importantly, he gave me the pep talk my mother and father never did and he made me believe in myself when no one else did. Not even me.
Tony was more than just a life coach to me. He was a life expert. He was the mentor I never but had always needed. I loved Tony so much that I tried to convert everyone I knew into Tony Robbins fans. Friends. Family. Girlfriends. Workmates. Strangers. If Tony said it – I believed it. If he said do it – I did it! Why? Because everything he said worked for me in my own life when I tried it. His advice was good. His strategies were effective. His techniques worked. It was so simple too. It was just a matter of taking action and actually doing it. I’d never been as excited or enthusiastic about life.
I’m not exaggerating when I say “Awaken the Giant Within” was life changing for me. It was the difference that made the difference. It dramatically changed my thinking, beliefs and values and it got me started on the path of personal development that I find myself on today. To this day it’s one of the wisest investments I’ve ever made and the lessons I learnt in that book are still paying off for me 16+ years later. I know I sound like an infomercial for the book but it’s true.
How my life changed after Tony Robbins
- I quickly became the most driven and motivated person I knew. I started setting goals and I took action to achieve them. I wasn’t just a talker or a dreamer – I was a doer!
- I started using my time wisely instead of wasting it. 7 days a week I was ON
- I skydived from 15, 000 feet
- I changed my diet
- I started Martial Arts
- I confronted my lifelong fear of public speaking and joined Toastmasters
- I changed careers and got a job hosting my own breakfast radio show
- I quadrupled my salary (in one year) and started investing
- I made personal development a permanent habit and I began reading books such as “How to win friends and influence people”, “Maximum Achievement”, “Rich Dad Poor Dad”, “Think and Grow Rich” and “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”.
- I started associating pleasure to learning instead of pain and almost overnight I went from being a D student to an A student. Prior to reading “Awaken the Giant Within” almost everything I had learnt in school up to that point seemed so irrelevant, pointless and unnecessary and I would constantly be thinking to myself during class: “Why are we learning this? Why does this matter? Why do I need to know this? When am I ever going to use this? Why is this important?” etc.
But Tony spoke about things I was actually interested in such as:
- How to achieve my goals
- How to change my beliefs
- How to influence and persuade people
- How to deal with negative emotions and make them work for you
- How to learn
- How to make money
- How to get my dream job or start my own business
- How to live up to my potential
Finally someone was talking to me about things that actually interested me instead of crap I didn’t care about. Now it was different. I WANTED to learn. I WANTED to know. I had my WHY. Information was valuable. Knowledge was power.
I loved Tony’s logic too: By reading books I could “compress decades into days”. Lessons that the world’s most successful people had taken a lifetime to learn, all of their best ideas and insights, strategies and secrets, they had summarized into a book which I could read in just a few hours and implement immediately without needing to spend years or even decades making the same mistakes myself. By learning from their successes and failures I could dramatically shortcut my learning curve and stand on the shoulders of giants. This tip alone transformed my life.
I’ve learnt so many things from Tony over the years but in this article I want to share with you what I believe to be Tony Robbins Top 10 Teachings.
Here we go…
Raise your standards
The most successful people in history and anyone who has ever ‘made it’, ‘won the game of life’, or achieved anything great, all had one thing in common: Incredibly high standards.
Without high standards you will not achieve anything great. No one ever become a champion, legend or world class anything: Actor, athlete, artist, author, comedian, doctor, entrepreneur, musician, philosopher, psychologist, scientist etc. without having incredibly high standards for themselves.
Consider some of the GOAT’s (Greatest of All Time):
Arnold Schwarzenegger had a higher standard for his body than other people.
Daniel Day Lewis has a higher standard for his acting than other people.
Michael Jackson had a higher standard for his music than other people.
Michael Jordan had a higher standard for the game of Basketball than other people.
Oprah Winfrey had a higher standard for her talk show than other people.
Steve Jobs had a higher standard for his business than other people.
These people are the definition of high standards. They are perfectionists. Going the extra mile wasn’t something they did once in a while, it was an everyday occurrence. Outstanding wasn’t the best they had to offer – it was the bare minimum.
If you want to achieve massive success you must raise your standards and demand more from yourself, the work you do, and the results you produce, than anyone else would. Forget about doing the bare minimum – you must give it everything you’ve got and refuse to settle for less than you can be, do, have or give. Mediocrity cannot be an option. Remember: Good is the enemy of great. What is ‘good’ for others cannot be ‘good’ for you.
In life you get what you settle for. If you’ll settle for less you’ll end up with less. But if you demand more from yourself you will get more.
What are your standards? What will you settle for? What’s good enough for you?
Your answers to these questions determines what you will end up with.
“You don’t always get your goals, but you always get your standards.” – Tony Robbins
Standards aren’t a blanket thing either. Everyone has different standards in different areas. You might have high standards in one area of your life like your work where everything must be absolutely perfect, but low standards in another area of your life such as your diet, where almost anything is acceptable.
How do you raise you standards?
You turn your ‘shoulds’ into ‘musts’. In life you only get what you MUST have. Not what you ‘should’ have. If it’s a ‘should’ it probably won’t happen. Yes you ‘should’ lose weight, yes you ‘should’ eat healthier, yes you ‘should’ make more money, but until it’s a MUST, it won’t happen.
One of the best ways to raise your standards is to study/spend time with people who are better than you are at what you do. People who are richer than you. Smarter than you. Stronger than you. More successful than you. Why? Because these people can help you to redefine your idea of what ‘good’ is. Most people don’t know what ‘good’ is. They’ve never seen ‘good’. A world champion has a much higher standard for what ‘good’ is than an amateur. An expert has a much higher standard for what ‘good’ is than a beginner. A black belt has a much higher standard for what ‘good’ is than a white belt.
Finally, know that you might have to move somewhere where your standards can be met. If you have billion dollar dreams but you’re living in a broke and bankrupt dead end town, it’s probably not going to happen.
If that’s the case you have 2 choices:
- Either drop your standards according to the town or city you find yourself in
- Keep your standards high and move somewhere else where they can be met
Personally, I recommend the latter.
The Japanese call it Kaizen. Tony calls it C.A.N.I: Constant and Never Ending Improvement. Whatever you call it it’s about looking at everything in your life and thinking of a way to do it better, faster, smarter, more effectively and intelligently.
CANI is a habit. It’s not about perfection. It’s simply about being one percent better than you were the day before, because by improving the little things day after day consistently, over time they become the BIG things.
PS: I call this Conscious Evolution and it is the ULTIMATE HABIT.
Decisions vs Conditions
How is it that someone born into poverty, violence and crime in a 3rd world country, the ghettos of America or the favelas of Brazil, can go from rags to riches and rise from the bottom to the top?
It’s because: “It’s your decisions NOT your conditions that determine your destiny!”
I heard Tony say that at a seminar and it really stuck with me because I immediately knew it to be true.
Let me give you an example from my own life:
I grew up in New Zealand. In NZ the wages and salaries are low so it’s hard to get rich or to save up a lot of money.
As a 21-year-old I was working my ass off as a waiter in a very busy 4-star hotel restaurant in Wellington, New Zealand for $9.50 NZ/$6.50 USD an hour, in a job I got no respect in and absolutely hated. (New Zealand is a non-tipping culture unlike America so no matter how hard you work that’s all you earn).
However instead of letting my crappy job and pay get me down (and remembering that I made the decision to work there in the first place), I made a decision to get a better job. I met with a recruiter and told her I was looking for a higher paying job and within a month she got me a cruisey office job working as a help desk consultant earning $16 an hour. My decision to change jobs immediately changed my conditions from working as a waiter in a restaurant to working in a professional office environment and I received an immediate 68% pay rise.
However, working in an office wasn’t the most fun job I’d ever had. It was still 1000X better than being a waiter but I didn’t like that job very much either, so I thought about what I wanted to do instead.
Working in TV had always been a dream of mine but when I was younger I didn’t have the confidence to pursue it. My best friend suggested to me “Why not get a job in radio? It’ll help to build up your confidence and communication skills and no one has to see your ugly mugg!”
I’d never been a fan of radio but I agreed with his reasoning and thought it was an excellent idea. I made the decision to go to radio school with the goal of eventually becoming a radio DJ and in less than a year I had my own breakfast radio show in New Zealand. Having my own breakfast radio show was one of the best jobs I’d ever had. I was building up my confidence and communication skills, interviewing celebrities and doing something I loved.
However, I was also living in a dead end town and only earning $17, 650 USD/$24, 500 NZ per year. (Radio pays some of the lowest wages in the world unless you’re a celebrity). After working in that job for 2 years I started thinking about what I was going to do next.
I decided to quit my job, sell my car to get some money (as I didn’t earn enough in my job to save anything), and move to Australia. I only knew one person in Australia, a high school friend of mine from New Zealand and he was living in Melbourne so I decided to move there. I didn’t know what I was going to do when I got there, but I decided to take a chance, back myself and go for it. I was excited and a little scared because this would be my first time outside of New Zealand.
Within a few days of arriving in Australia I immediately started applying for jobs. I didn’t care what I did. I just needed a job. Any kind of job. I would have worked at McDonald’s, Subway or Starbucks if I had to. I didn’t care. I wasn’t fussy. With just a few hundred dollars to my name I couldn’t afford to be.
I was called in for a number of interviews with local recruitment agencies and I began meeting with a bunch of young recruitment consultants. However, after meeting with many of these recruiters I noticed something: Most of them didn’t seem to know what they were talking about or what they were doing. In fact, I was surprised at the complete lack of skill they seemed to have at interviewing.
Most of my radio show in New Zealand was dedicated to interviewing celebrities and I knew I was a good interviewer. I started thinking to myself: “Why am I applying for these crappy jobs just to have a job when I could easily do their job? I’m a much better interviewer than any of these people!” (Recruitment is actually about sales not interviewing but I didn’t know that at the time).
I started looking online for entry level recruitment consultant jobs and I immediately found one and applied or it. Although my calls weren’t being returned I made the decision to keep calling every day to see how my application was going because I knew I could do the job.
Finally, after 5 days of calling I was able to speak to the manager and I told her I wanted to meet in person to prove to her that I was more than capable of doing the job. She liked my confidence and assertiveness and asked me to meet her and her colleague on Friday afternoon for an interview. I went in for the interview and it turned out to be the easiest interview I’d ever had and I was offered the position just 20 minutes later. My starting wage was $35, 000 a year + commissions. It was the most money I had ever made but still not much.
After 3 months of working in that job I knew I could do better. I was working in a small boutique recruitment agency and most of the work required was business development – not exactly what I was looking for.
I made the decision to look around to see what else was out there and within a month I managed to secure myself another job working for a much bigger company for $45, 000 + commissions. I really liked the company and I was doing well there.
After 3 months I made the decision to ask my boss for a $5, 000 pay rise to $50, 000 + commissions which he agreed to since I was one of the companies ‘top performers’.
I spent almost all of my time at work assisting an incredibly talented recruiter who was earning $200, 000 per year. This guy was the best recruiter I had ever seen and I wanted to learn everything there was to know about recruitment from him and to soak it all up. It was obvious that he was a pro and knew exactly what he was doing.
Within 6 months of working at this company something became blatantly obvious: Recruiters do all the work but Account Managers get all the money. I knew what was next. Go to where the money was and get into Account Management. I made the decision to apply for an Account Management job within the company, but I was denied repeatedly by my boss because I didn’t yet have enough experience.
One afternoon I came back from lunch to find out the guy who had been mentoring me had resigned and was off to start his own company, and not only that, but he was taking with him at least half of our clients and business!
It turned out that the agency I worked for would never be the same. We had lost our star player. This guy had brought an enormous work ethic, talent, and will to win that was missing. The energy at work just wasn’t there and everyone could feel it. As the year progressed everyone in our company started resigning and moving elsewhere and it felt like staying at our agency was like being on a sinking ship.
However, where there is crisis there is also opportunity. It was crisis for our company, but it was an opportunity for me.
I started applying for account management jobs within other recruitment agencies and I got about 7 job offers within just a few weeks. My manager somehow found out about this however and asked me out for a coffee. He told me that he’d heard I was looking for another job and asked me if it were true. I confirmed that it was. He told me he didn’t want me to leave and he could help me make more money. He counter-offered me with the Account Management position I had wanted along with an immediate pay rise which would more than double my salary to over $100, 000 which I immediately accepted.
Just 12 months earlier in New Zealand I had been earning less than $20, 000 USD and now just one year into my career in recruitment my decisions had improved my conditions dramatically and increased my wage by over 389% to over $100, 000 USD and because of this I was able to save like crazy. Despite buying the latest $2, 000 Hugo Boss suits, shoes, computers, iPhones, Big Screen TV’s, Stereos, clothing, eating out at restaurants every single day, and having simultaneous gym, martial arts and yoga memberships, in less than 4 years I had saved over $125, 000 USD.
Although I don’t have a degree and I never did well at school, thanks to some good decision making my decisions changed my conditions and for the past 3 ½ years I’ve used that money to travel the world, complete my bucket list and live out my dreams.
Listen to me: It’s your decisions that determine your destiny. Not your conditions, chance, fate, luck or anything else.
My decisions changed my conditions and your decisions can change your conditions. No one gave me a $100, 000+ job, $125, 000+ in savings, or a trip around the world. None of these things ‘just happened’. They weren’t accidental. They were caused by my decisions.
I’m not saying that your conditions aren’t important because of course they are. They can be overwhelming. If you’re living in a 3rd world country or in a crime ridden violent neighborhood of course your conditions suck. Agreed. No doubt about it.
But know this: Just as your current conditions were determined by your past decisions, your future conditions will be determined by your present decisions. If you want better future conditions, make better decisions now, because the better your current decisions are, the better your future conditions will be.
Take my advice: If you don’t like the conditions you find yourself in, instead of waiting for them to magically get better all by themselves, do something to change them.
- If your city/town/neighbourhood sucks – make the decision to move to a better one
- If your diet sucks – make the decision to change it
- If your friends suck – make the decision to get new ones
- If your relationship sucks – make the decision to either improve it or to start a new one
- If your job sucks – make the decision to either get a new job, change careers or to start your own business
PS: Once you make a decision it’s a firm commitment. There is no turning back. Tony defines a true decision as “Committing to achieving a result and then cutting yourself off from any other possibility.”
This is something you don’t hear a lot about, yet it’s without a doubt one of Tony’s most powerful tips.
In fact, Tony has credited incantations as the NUMBER ONE reason he was able to build up so much confidence and belief in himself.
The problem is that no one does them.
What are incantations?
Incantations are similar to affirmations but they’re way more powerful. Think of them as like affirmations on steroids. They’re difficult to describe, and a lot easier to see.
Here is Tony giving a demonstration:
As you can see incantations are done with intensity and power – there is nothing weak or passive about them. You are not giving your mind a suggestion – you are telling it the way it is!
Tony still does incantations before every single one of his big seminars despite the fact that he doesn’t need to, because they put him into an optimal state where he is able to perform at his very best.
Tony’s Top 7 incantations include:
“I have UNLIMITED POWER!”
“ALL I NEED IS WITHIN ME NOW”
“THANK YOU GOD”
“Every day and in every way, I’m getting better and better. Every day and in every way, I’m getting stronger and stronger!”
“God’s wealth flows to me in avalanches of abundance. All my needs, desires, and goals are met instantaneously by infinite intelligence, for I am one with God and God is everything!”
“Now I am the voice,
I will lead not follow,
I will believe, not doubt,
I will create, not destroy,
I am a force for good,
I am a leader,
I defy the odds,
I will set a new standard,
I will step up!” (Said by participants at the “Unleash the Power Within” Seminar)
“I now command my subconscious mind to direct me in helping as many people as possible today to better their lives, by giving me the strength, the emotion, the persuasion, the humor, the brevity, whatever it takes to show these people and get these people to change their life now!” (Said by Tony before conducting his “Date with Destiny” and “Unleash the Power Within” seminars)
Why should you do incantations?
Because they work!
Incantations build your confidence, direct your focus towards what you want instead of what you don’t, and they reprogram your subconscious mind with empowering beliefs that will help you in life instead of the crap the media/the world/other people want to fill your head up with.
I can speak from personal experience that incantations definitely work. If you make them a habit you will start to become more confident than you have ever been. You won’t think, hope or pray that you have “UNLIMITED POWER” – you will KNOW IT!
I’ve used them on many different occasions when I’ve needed to be at my best and especially when I’ve needed to focus my energy before giving a speech in front of hundreds of people. I used the incantation “Cool moss” when I walked across 800 degree burning hot coals at Tony’s “Unleash the Power Within” Seminar.
If you live alone, and/or are able to get some privacy, I highly recommend them.
“If you want to be successful, find someone who has achieved the results you want and copy what they do and you’ll achieve the same results.” – Tony Robbins
Successful people are successful for a reason. It isn’t for no reason that winners win and losers lose. It has nothing to do with chance, fluke or luck.
Unfortunately successful people don’t always directly share their ‘secrets of success’ in a book, podcast, seminar or video, but that doesn’t matter, because you can still learn a lot about what makes someone successful simply by observing them and watching what they do because success leaves clues.
By modelling the habits and strategies of the world’s most successful people and making them your own, you can dramatically shortcut your learning curve and save yourself a ton of time, effort, energy and money.
- Who has already achieved what you want to achieve?
- Who is the GOAT (Greatest of All Time) of what you want to do?
- How did they do it? How did they make it happen?
- What was different or unique about their approach, mindset, strategy and/or technique?
- What choices and decisions have they made that you have not?
- What chances, risks and/or sacrifices have they made that you have not?
- How do they spend their time differently than you?
- What does their day look like compared to yours?
- What is their diet like compared to yours?
- What habits do they have that you don’t?
- What resources do they have that you don’t?
- What training have they done that you haven’t?
- How do their standards differ from yours?
- How does their work ethic differ from yours?
- How do their beliefs differ from yours?
- How do their values differ from yours?
- What are the top 5 lessons you can learn from them?
- To what do they attribute their success to?
- What mistakes have they made that you should avoid?
I’ve modeled lots of different people throughout my life. It all depended on who I considered the best in the world at what they did. When I was learning public speaking at Toastmasters, I modeled Tony Robbins because he was the greatest public speaker I had ever seen and it really helped to bring out the best in me.
How to Model effectively
- Model the best. Modeling is an excellent idea if you model the right people in the right way. Unfortunately, most people have poor role models that aren’t worth following or listening to and they end up adopting their bad habits. Don’t do that. You will not go anywhere by modelling the people around you. If you’re going to model someone – model someone worth modeling. Model someone smart. Model someone successful. Model a winner. Only by modelling the top one percent, the very best of the best, the world’s most successful people, will you adopt the habits and strategies needed to achieve your goals and change your life for the better.
- Listen with your eyes. It’s a good idea to listen to what successful people say BUT it’s even more important to watch what they DO. Why? Because people often say one thing and do another. Even champions, legends and ‘winners’. So don’t just copy blindly. That’s what advertisers want you to do. The success of Michael Jordan or Lebron James has nothing to do with Nike. The success of Beyonce or Michael Jackson has nothing to do with Pepsi. The success of Arnold Schwarzenegger or Sylvester Stallone has nothing to do with protein powder and a lot to do with Steroids. I’m not telling you to go down that path I’m just saying see it the way it is and don’t lie to yourself or turn a blind eye to what’s really going on it just because you don’t like it.
- You don’t have to copy everything either. Model the habits that make someone successful. If you want to become a rock star, copy the 8-hour a day guitar playing habit, not the drug and alcohol habits.
The Power of Belief
Does it really matter what you, me or anyone else believes?
YES it does!
It matters a LOT!
It’s important to examine your beliefs because you live your life based upon your beliefs and nothing else.
What you believe determines:
- What you say
- What you do
- Your actions
- Your habits
- Your decisions
- Your clothing
- Your diet
- Your goals
- Your values
- Your confidence
- Your comfort zone
- Your fears
- Your self-esteem
- Your self-image
- Your career
- Where you live
- Who your friends are
- Who you spend time with
- Who you date
- Whether you get married or not
- Whether you have children or not
- The life you live
- And everything else!
So be careful what you believe because your beliefs will make or break you.
The right beliefs will take you to heaven.
The wrong beliefs will take you to hell.
Positive beliefs can unlock your potential and lead to a life of happiness, health, wealth and success. But negative beliefs will ruin your life and destroy any chance you have of happiness or success.
Something to think about…
Can you make it in Business, Movies, Music, Sport, TV, Hollywood, Silicon Valley, Wall Street etc. without belief?
Can you become a professional actor, athlete, author, celebrity, CEO, comedian, entrepreneur, musician, president, pop/rock/rap star without belief?
Is success even possible without belief?
Without belief no one ever did anything!
Belief is the single biggest difference between:
- Confidence and fear
- Optimism and pessimism
- Leaders and followers
- Persisting and quitting
- Riches and poverty
- Success and failure
- Winning and losing
If you want to change your life – change your beliefs.
“Our beliefs are like unquestioned commands, telling us how things are, what’s possible and what’s impossible, what we can and can not do. They shape every action, every thought, and every feeling that we experience. As a result, changing our belief systems is central to making any real and lasting change in our lives.” – Tony Robbins
If you want to succeed, you must first believe it’s possible. You can have all the ability and potential in the world but if you don’t believe you can succeed you won’t even try. Think about it: You don’t go for the Contract/Deal/Money, Girl/Guy, Outcome/Result etc. you want – you go for the one you think you can have!
You settle for less because you don’t believe you can have more!
It’s important to destroy any negative beliefs you might have because they can not only stop you from achieving your goals but they can ruin your life.
Common negative beliefs include:
- I can’t do it
- I don’t deserve it
- I’m not worthy
- I’m not good enough
- I’m not smart enough
- I’m a slow learner
- It’s too hard
- It’s not meant to be
- Other people are better than me
- Other people don’t/won’t like me
- The world is a terrible place filled with horrible people
Most people don’t challenge or question their long held negative beliefs. They just accept them as irrefutable and undeniable facts. But most of your beliefs are BS and have no basis in fact and are nothing but a bunch of crap that has been brainwashed into you by parents, teachers, celebrities, TV, internet and the media.
A good way to destroy any negative beliefs you might have is to simply examine and question them and ask yourself “is this true?” and to also think seriously about the consequences of having those beliefs.
- What are the consequences of believing this and continuing to think and feel this way?
- What will it cost me in my career, life and relationships if I continue to believe this?
- What has this belief already cost me mentally, emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually?
The most important beliefs
Ultimately the most important beliefs to question are:
- Who do you think you are?
- What do you believe is your purpose in life?
- What do you believe you are meant to do?
- What do you believe is the absolute maximum that you’re capable of doing, having, being and achieving?
- How do you honestly see your life going down at the end of the day when it’s all said and done?
Your answers to the above questions largely determines the life you will live.
Also beware of the meanings you create when times get tough and things don’t go your way.
Whenever you have a bad day and ‘shit happens’ it’s common to think:
- I can’t do it
- I’m not good enough
- It’s not meant to be
- It’s not my time
- I’m a failure
- I should give up and quit and try something else
But successful people don’t do this.
Did Colonel Sanders think it wasn’t meant to be when his KFC recipe got rejected 1, 009 times?
Did Donald Trump think it wasn’t meant to be when he went $900 million dollars into debt in the early 1990’s?
Did Sylvester Stallone think it wasn’t meant to be when he got rejected as an actor more than 1, 000 times?
Did Thomas Edison think it wasn’t meant to be when he failed to produce the light bulb more than 10, 000 times?
Did the Wright brothers think man just wasn’t meant to fly because no one else in history had enabled man to do it?
What does it mean if a girl/guy rejects you? Does it mean you’re not attractive?
What if someone rejects your sales pitch? Does it mean no one is going to buy what you’re selling? Does it mean you’re never going to get rich?
What does it mean if you get fired from your job?
What does it mean if your business fails?
What does it mean if your marriage breaks up?
What if I told you that nothing means anything?! It’s obvious if you think about it. We just make up the meanings in our heads. That’s why the same event means so many different things to so many different people and why what something means to me, means something else entirely different to you and everyone else.
“Nothing in life has any meaning except the meaning we give it.” – Tony Robbins
Resourcefulness is the ultimate resource
If you ask anyone who has failed why they failed, most often they will say it was due to a lack of:
In other words – resources.
But lack of resources isn’t why most people fail.
The reason most people fail is due to a lack of resourcefulness.
It’s not that most people need more ability, experience, knowledge, money, time etc.
It’s that they’re not using the ability, knowledge, skills, talent etc. they already have.
They’ve got it – but they’re not giving it.
They have it – but they’re not using it.
They know it – but they’re not doing it.
If you want to be more successful, be more resourceful. Give what you’ve got. Do what you know. Show what you have. Stop holding back.
Don’t let what you can’t do, stop you from doing what you CAN DO.
Don’t let what you don’t have, stop you from using what you DO HAVE.
Don’t let what you don’t know, stop you from doing what you DO KNOW.
It’s not that your best isn’t good enough – it’s that you’re not giving your best.
It’s not that you don’t know enough – it’s that you’re not doing what you know.
It’s not that you don’t have it within you – it’s that you’re not giving what you’ve got.
Success in life isn’t achieved by what you know; it’s achieved by what you do.
Remember: It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog. Someone else has come from a similar or much worse background than you and yet has achieved 1000X more than you. Why? Because they’ve used their body, mind, emotions, energy and time more effectively than you (been more resourceful).
Control your Focus
“One reason so few of us achieve what we truly want is that we never direct our focus; we never concentrate our power. Controlled focus is like a laser beam that can cut through anything that seems to be stopping you.” – Tony Robbins
If you want to succeed keep your eyes on the prize and be careful about who and what you give your focus to.
Don’t just give your focus to anyone who wants it or give into meaningless distractions when they come up.
Your focus is everything. It determines your direction in life. It is the starting point of all you do. It determines what you think about and what you feel, what you decide and what you do.
Your focus determines your thoughts.
Your thoughts determine your emotions.
Your emotions determine your decisions.
Your decisions determine your actions.
Your actions determine your habits.
Your habits determine your destiny.
What is the number #1 focus in your life right now?
What do you think about MOST of the time?
Are you focused on what you DO want or on what you DON’T want?
Create a compelling future
“If you don’t design your own life plan chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.” – Jim Rohn (Tony Robbins original mentor)
Ultimately it’s important to have some kind of goal, mission or purpose for your life.
Goals give you a target to aim for, and they focus your energy towards what you want instead of what you don’t. Without goals your life has no direction, no meaning and no purpose, and you’ll probably end up in a place that you don’t want to be, with people you don’t like, doing things you don’t want to do.
Now, it’s important to have goals, but it’s even more important to have the right goals to begin with.
Here’s how I define good goals vs bad goals…
- Are aligned to your values and life purpose
- Interest and motivate you and are exciting and fun to think about
- Improve your knowledge and skill set
- Push you outside of your comfort zone
- Will change your life for the better forever if you achieve them
Examples of Good Goals:
- Learning critical thinking (learning how to think)
- Learning cognitive biases/logical fallacies
- Learning how to learn
- Learning how to make decisions
- Learning how to influence/persuade
- Learning how to negotiate
- Learning how to sell
- Learning how to solve problems
- Learning martial arts
- Learning public speaking
- Learning yoga
- Traveling the world
- Aren’t aligned to your values
- Don’t interest or motivate you
- What other people want you to do (parents, family and friends)
- What you think will impress other people
So set goals – but make sure they’re the RIGHT goals to begin with!
You want goals that excite and ignite you, inspire and motivate you, and align to your deepest values. Goals that you would love to achieve even if no one else cares.
You don’t ever want to look at your goals and feel bored or uninterested. If wouldn’t LOVE to achieve your goals, if even the best case scenario where you achieve them isn’t that great, it’s a sign that you probably have the wrong goals.
Most people have trivial goals that aren’t worth having in the first place. They want whatever they’ve been brainwashed, conditioned and told to want. Advertisers, celebrities, movies, TV and the internet told them to want it and so they do. Or they’ve been tricked into believing that everyone else wants it so it must really be worth having. (Social proof)
Forget about trying to achieve someone else’s version of success.
I’ve never had an interest in climbing the corporate ladder or in being a manager or a CEO. It just doesn’t interest me. It never did. You couldn’t pay me enough to care.
Achieve someone else’s goals? Build someone else’s dream? Make someone else rich?
I’d rather achieve my own goals. Build my own dream. Make myself rich.
What would you love to do more than anything else in life?
What would you do for free?
What would you pay to do?
“People are not lazy, they simply have impotent goals, that is, goals that do not inspire them.” – Tony Robbins
Pain vs Pleasure
Know this: Everything you do in life is based on either a desire to gain pleasure or a desire to avoid pain. That’s it.
If it feels good you will do it. If it feels bad you won’t.
Whether or not you engage in any of the following depends on whether you associate pleasure or pain to them:
- Fast food
- Video games
The key to making a change in your life is to associate pleasure to what you DO want and pain to what you don’t.
Pleasure to changing and pain to staying the same.
Pleasure to leaving your comfort zone and pain to staying in it.
Pleasure to eating healthy and pain to eating junk food.
Pleasure to learning and pain to being closed minded.
Pleasure to taking action and pain to wasting time.
Pleasure to working hard and pain to being lazy.
If you want to change something in your life start to think about what it will cost you if you don’t change now by asking yourself lots of pain inducing questions:
- What will this habit cost me if I don’t change?
- What will I miss out on if I don’t change?
- Where will I be in 5 years if I don’t change?
- What I look back in regret if I don’t change?
- If I do change, how will I feel about myself?
- How will my life change for the better if I do change?
- How much happier will I be?
- How much healthier will I be?
- How much wealthier will I be?
Of all the things you could change (career, clothing, diet, friends, relationships etc.) by far the most important is your IDENTITY.
As Tony says “WE LIVE WHO WE BELIEVE WE ARE”. If you can change the way you see yourself – you can change your life and everything in it. Why? Because everything you think, say and do, all of your decisions, actions and habits, stem from that one point – your self-image.
“The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you’re in control of your life. If you don’t, life controls you.” – Tony Robbins
Where I disagree with Tony
I don’t agree with everything Tony says or endorse everything he does by the way.
In fact, there are lots of things I disagree with him about.
I don’t agree with Tony when he says that 95% of your focus should be on the solution and only 5% on the problem. I completely disagree. I think it’s the other way around. I think that the more you understand about a problem and what’s causing it in the first place, the easier it is to solve because the solution isn’t separate or apart from the problem.
“If I had only one hour to save the world, I would spend fifty-five minutes defining the problem, and only five minutes finding the solution”. – Albert Einstein
I think because Tony is so solution focused, he’s often too quick to try and solve a problem before he even knows what it is or what’s causing it and it can lead him to jumping to conclusions and looking like an idiot.
In the Netflix documentary “I am not your guru” at the 51 minute mark, Tony says he wants to bring someone up who is suicidal.
One of the audience participants who stands up is Dawn, a 26-year-old from Brazil.
Dawn: “No one really knows, what inside of me.”
Tony: “So tell me, what’s really going on in there?”
Dawn: “I’m tired of having so much pain and carrying it for so many years”
Tony: “How old are you?
Tony: “Oh give me a break, you can take another 30 years of this shit!”
“You’re not that fucking weak!”
“Don’t tell me that shit!”
“Don’t lie to fucking me!”
“You and I are gonna have some truth!”
Dawn: “Yeah you wanna hear it?”
Tony: “Yes I wanna hear it tell me”
Dawn then proceeds to tell Tony that she was born into a sex cult in Brazil called “Children of God”, where they believe that God’s love was sex, and everyone (including children) had to have sex with other people in the cult from the age of 6.
Dawn tells Tony not only was she was forced to have sex with strangers from the age of 6 but she also had to see her mother and brothers having sex with strangers and being abused. She tells Tony “I grew up with visions of a totally disgusting God, a Jesus that wanted to fuck you, that wanted to do horrible things with you. I don’t know what to do with so much pain. I’m 26 and I’ve never had a relationship, I don’t know what love is”. She says that her mother and brothers are a huge mess, her whole family is depressed and they all wanted to kill themselves.
Tony then tells her that she is a miracle. A true miracle. A miracle to everyone in the room. She has been through spiritual pain, it’s beyond what most people could ever imagine in their lives and she hasn’t deserved any of it. He tells her that she is pure love, he tells her that she is incredible, and tells her that he loves her.
Now whilst Tony seemed horrified when he heard the story of Dawn’s past, if he had just taken a few seconds to listen to her to find out why she was in so much pain in the first place instead of just rushing to conclusions and telling her:
“You’re not that fucking weak!”
“Don’t tell me that shit!”
“Don’t lie to fucking me!”
He wouldn’t have come across like such an insensitive and obnoxious asshole. And I’m sure it’s not the first time. Or the thousandth time.
I think if he wasn’t so sure of himself, if he wasn’t so identified with being the ‘teacher’, the ‘leader’, the ‘solutions guy’, the ‘expert’, if he didn’t always feel the need to have an answer to every question and a solution to every problem, if he could just step back for a moment and take a breath without rushing to conclusions, he might actually improve upon what he does. But he’s afraid to let go and surrender. He wants to be in control and dominate every situation.
Tony doesn’t know everything – even if he acts like he does. He has a big ego, makes a lot of assumptions, talks a lot more than he listens and is far too sure of himself and his philosophies. I’ve never once seen him lost for words nor have I ever heard him say:
“I don’t know”
“I’m not sure”
“I could be wrong”
In fact, Tony hates the feeling of uncertainty and he doesn’t like it within you either. If he asks you a question and you reply with “I don’t know” he will likely ‘challenge’ you by saying: “What would the answer be if you DID know?” (An NLP technique).
Tony definitely has balls to stand up in seminars at just 20 years old and dare to tell people how to live their lives before he had any life experience of his own. I wouldn’t have the balls to do it. It would seem ridiculous to me. It still does.
Personally, I liked the young humble Anthony Robbins, a lot more than the proud, swearing, egomaniac Tony seems to have become. I think he’s lost his way a bit. He didn’t use to swear so much. (I know he calls it the “science of taboo language”). He didn’t use to be so egotistical. The younger Tony seemed a lot nicer and humbler than the guy who pulls seminar participants by the hair or tells them “I fucked your wife”.
Honestly, whilst watching Tony on “I am not your guru” I found myself thinking “What a fucking arrogant douchebag”, and remember I wasn’t a critic or a hater, I was one of his biggest fans.
I’m not trying to attack Tony – I like him. I’m just trying to keep it real.
Tony Robbins is an incredible human being. There is no one else like him. He isn’t one in a million – he is one in a billion. He has achieved more than most people could ever dream of. He is successful by any measure: He has love, money, power and status. He is happy, healthy, wealthy and wise. He has more energy than 99% of 18 year olds and more enthusiasm than 99.99% of the planet. He has gone from rags to riches doing what he loves and built up a $500 Million dollar fortune along the way.
His advice is useful, his techniques work and he changed not only my life for the better but the lives of millions of other people too. Above all: The thing I love most about Tony is that he is a good guy with good intentions and a good heart. He genuinely loves people and he makes the world a ‘better’ place.
How many other people can you honestly say that about?
When I think about Tony Robbins and why he is so successful, the first words that come to mind are:
- Doesn’t waste time
- Obsessed with being the best
- Takes massive action and has an incredible work ethic
- Lives outside of his comfort zone
- Is a master of influence and persuasion
- Works for himself instead of in a job for someone else
- Hires other people to help him achieve his goals – doesn’t try to do it all himself
- Does what he’s good at: Public speaking, influencing and persuasion – not accounting, cooking or gymnastics
Finally, Tony is without a doubt one of the greatest public speakers on earth. If you’ve never seen him speak before check him out. Evan Carmichael and his team have made some great videos summarizing some of his greatest teachings:
Tony Robbins Top 10 Quotes
“Your past does not equal your future.”
“Begin to live as though your prayers are already answered.”
“It is your decisions, and not your conditions, that determine your destiny.”
“It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives. It’s what we do consistently.”
“We will act consistently with our view of who we truly are, whether that view is accurate or not.”
“Focus on where you want to go, not on what you fear.”
“Most people fail in life because they major in minor things.”
“No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.”
“Success is doing what you want to do, when you want, where you want, with whom you want, as much as you want.”
“Don’t tell me the sky’s the limit when there are footprints on the moon!”
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If you would like to read some of my other articles: Life Lessons All Articles
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